It is believed Benjamin Franklin once wrote, \u201cHalf a truth is often a great lie.\u201d While we agree that telling the truth is the best bet in a relationship, most often, partners do keep things from each other or lie to each other. Additionally, lying by omission often becomes a major issue in relationships.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n So, when is omission of certain details considered lying? Is telling a white lie harmful? Does lying by omitting a few details have the potential to destroy an otherwise happy relationship or does it not matter that much? Are you also wondering how to get over someone lying to you this way? Read on, as our expert psychologist Nandita Rambhia<\/a> (MSc, Psychology), who specializes in CBT, REBT, and couples counseling, helps us explore \u2018lies by omission\u2019 and their potential consequences and tells us what to do to address this issue in relationships.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Nandita explains, \u201cIn general terms, lying by omission, meaning lying without giving a false statement, is withholding information in a relationship deliberately. It\u2019s the same in any kind of relationship, whether romantic or not. It\u2019s when we don\u2019t fully disclose the real or actual facts or information intentionally.\u201d Is it detrimental to a relationship? Well, yes, it can be. In fact, an article <\/a>on The Cut states how people generally view telling lies by omission as equally toxic as paltering, or focusing on selective truths to mislead people, just like politicians often do. In fact, some believe lying by omission is worse than lying by commission.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n However, omission may not always be considered lying by some. A Reddit user<\/a> says, \u201cIt\u2019s only a lie of omission if the thing omitted changes the truth as the person understands it. Otherwise, it\u2019s just a lack of detail.\u201d Another Reddit user<\/a> believes there\u2019s no such thing as a lie of omission, as there could be a vast number of things that we probably don\u2019t mention to others.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n However, this user is probably talking about instances of honest omission without any malice or hidden agenda. After all, the intention matters. But why do people omit important details? To find the answer, let\u2019s look at some reasons why people would lie by omission:<\/p>\n \u25cf To avoid conflict<\/strong>: People often lie by omitting crucial details that may cause conflicts or differences of opinion <\/p>\n Lying by omission can stem from a number of reasons, ranging from one\u2019s own insecurities to external elements, such as a loved one whose feelings you don\u2019t wish to hurt. We\u2019re sure you\u2019re now wondering how lying by omission affects our everyday lives. Read on to find out.<\/p>\n Now that you have a clear idea about the reasons behind telling lies by omission, let\u2019s look at some everyday examples of this deception in relationships. Yes, lying by avoiding talking about the unpleasant aspects of one\u2019s life is a common phenomenon. And lying by omission examples are found aplenty in our everyday lives. Here are 7 things from our daily lives which people tend to omit details about:<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Often, people tend to lie to their partners by omitting details related to their jobs or careers. A few instances of such lies are: Related Reading:<\/strong> How To Watch Out For The Relationship Red Flags \u2013 Expert Tells You<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Talking about money is often the most crucial thing in a relationship. And the trouble begins when one partner withholds significant details regarding their financial status, as life goals may suffer. Nandita adds, \u201cNot revealing details about one\u2019s financial status or money problems<\/a> is a serious issue that can affect the relationship in the long run. And yes, it amounts to lying.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n People also often omit facts about their past relationships to avoid conflicts or unpleasant topics. Nandita explains, \u201cNot telling your partner about your exes, even though your partner has asked you about them, is definitely a lie. And such omissions can cause a permanent relationship breakdown in future. While it\u2019s okay to not get into the absolute minutest details of a partner\u2019s past relationships<\/a>, both partners should have some idea about each other\u2019s previous dating lives, as the past can catch up with us eventually and cause a rift.\u201d<\/p>\n In such cases, a person tends to lie about: Related Reading: <\/strong>12 Signs Of A Lying Spouse<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n <\/p>\n Quite often, people also withhold details or facts about their personal history. Some even hide facts about their families. Some instances of such omissions are: A classic case of lying by omitting details is withholding facts about one\u2019s health issues. One may have been diagnosed with a rare illness in the past or may even be suffering from a terminal illness. But not revealing that to a potential partner amounts to lying. A relationship can only grow when there\u2019s transparency regarding all issues, including major medical conditions, such as cardiac issues or infertility.<\/p>\n Related Reading: <\/strong>13 Sure-Shot Signs Someone Is Lying To You Over Text<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n <\/p>\n A friend of mine, Linda, who suffered from vitiligo, a rare skin pigmentation disorder, would often put on concealing makeup before going on dates, to hide her condition. This ruined her relationships later, when her dates eventually found out about her condition.<\/p>\n Omission of details is what any cheater resorts to hide their tracks<\/a> from their partner. For instance, one of my friends, Susan, once went on a girls\u2019 trip with us. We went to a club, where she got drunk and hooked up with a guy. They got cozy and shared some intimate moments too. We were all worried how it would impact her marriage. But when she went back home, she apparently told her husband about everything except the hook-up. This is how affairs begin and this is where it should stop if you want a healthy relationship.<\/p>\n Related Reading: <\/strong>How To Tell If Your Partner Is Lying About Cheating?<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n <\/p>\n Another great example of lying by omitting details is when your partner doesn\u2019t wish to share information about what their family thinks of you. Picture this: your boyfriend called you home to meet his parents and he\u2019s dying to pop the question to you. You\u2019re all excited too. But his mother apparently didn\u2019t like the way you dress. He withholds this from you to avoid unnecessary bickering or to avoid hurting you. This is a classic case of lying at the beginning of a relationship.<\/p>\n Now you know that lying by omission involves intentionally omitting details about something. We\u2019ve also given you an idea of how omitting details about our lives actually works. So, let us look at a few ways in which this form of lying affects relationships. Here are 9 effects of lies of omission on relationships:<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Lying by omitting significant details about something may affect the trust quotient of a relationship. Nandita says, \u201cWhen a partner is caught intentionally omitting information or not disclosing certain information, there\u2019s bound to be a loss of trust between the partners. This lack of trust can lead to a huge issue in the relationship in future. It also has the potential to break the relationship entirely, as the partner who has been lied to may never be able to Related Reading:<\/strong> Trust Issues \u2013 10 Signs You Find It Difficult To Trust Anyone<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n \u201cOver a long period of time, even if the lying partner decides to mend their ways, the other partner may lose faith in them. So, one should never reach the point where one\u2019s partner stops believing in them altogether. It may be difficult to start afresh\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Omitting information about certain aspects of life is betrayal even if there has been no obvious act of cheating. Nandita says, \u201cSome people try to dismiss the impact of omission by saying that it\u2019s not lying if you\u2019ve been told partial truths. Some also believe not all lies are toxic. But a lie is a lie. And withholding information in a relationship can come across as a huge act of betrayal.\u201d<\/p>\n In many cases, if one partner finds out that they have been lied to by omission of major facts, they tend to feel they were perhaps not important enough to be told the truth. So, the partner who\u2019s been lied to may feel lost and disillusioned. Nandita adds, \u201cThey may feel they aren\u2019t worthy enough to have the full information. This creates self-doubt and low self-esteem<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n Related Reading: <\/strong>What To Expect When You Love A Man With Low Self-Esteem<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n <\/p>\n One of the negative consequences of such an act of omission is stress for both partners. So, while the one who has lied may feel guilty for lying this way, they may also feel stressed to keep up with the lie, since one lie is never limited to itself and often leads to more lies. Likewise, such lies, if discovered, may also cause the other partner to be stressed. They may not be able to be vulnerable with their partner anymore.<\/p>\n Lying to your partner by omission may cause them to suffer from permanent emotional damage<\/a> when they discover the lie. In fact, they may turn overly suspicious in future and may stop trusting other people altogether.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Nandita explains, \u201cOmission brings out the suspicious nature of the liar\u2019s partner. The other person will always be suspecting the lying partner of withholding crucial information. They may overreact too. In fact, there will be friction on many other fronts, not limited to the issue that is being lied about.\u201d<\/p>\n Related Reading: <\/strong>How To Trust Someone Again After They Hurt You \u2013 Expert Advice<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Hiding major details of your life from your partner may stunt the growth of your relationship. For relationships to grow, apart from love, there should be trust and the scope to be<\/p>\n <\/p>\n vulnerable and to confide. A relationship should be a safe space where both partners can lay their hearts out. Omitting significant facts only helps in stopping growth. The relationship may never reach the depth it requires and may eventually fizzle out.<\/p>\n Hiding crucial details from your partner results in lack of open and honest communication<\/a>. And in any relationship, communication barriers give rise to emotional and physical distance. Related Reading: <\/strong>Expert Talks About 9 Must-Try Couples Communication Exercises<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n <\/p>\n Most often, liars withhold important information for fear of judgement. They are afraid that after knowing the full truth about them, their partners might leave them. But what if the partner in question is empathetic and understanding? There\u2019s a chance that the person being lied to may have pitched in to help, had they not been told half-truths by their partner, be it about financial issues or family problems. Lying by omitting certain details thus actually acts as a barrier of potential problem-solving in a relationship<\/a>.<\/p>\n Lying by omitting crucial details of your life can also create an imbalance of power in the relationship. Here\u2019s how: <\/p>\n Lying by omission, meaning lying by hiding certain information, is detrimental to the relationship. But just like other relationship issues, it\u2019s not the end of world if a partner omits or withholds certain details. In fact, there are effective ways to handle this situation. So, how<\/p>\n to get over someone lying to you by hiding facts? Well, we\u2019ll look into a few ways to deal with such cases of lying. Here\u2019s want you can do to deal with this issue:<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Nandita says, \u201cTo solve a problem, it\u2019s important to ditch denial and start accepting that the problem exists. So, be honest with yourself<\/a> and accept that you\u2019ve been lied to by your partner.\u201d No more trying to hide their flaws to save your face and theirs.<\/p>\n Related Reading: <\/strong>Top 10 Lies Guys Tell Females | Lies Men Tell<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n To understand the situation better, get to the reasons that must\u2019ve made them lie. Dissect their story. Nandita suggests, \u201cLocate why they are doing this. Is it because they fear something or because of shame or a sense of guilt associated with disclosing certain facts? Are they suffering from cheaters\u2019 guilt<\/a> or are they scared they might lose you if they tell you the truth?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n An open heart-to-heart talk can solve most relationship issues, and this is no different. Nandita explains, \u201cOnce you identify the reason behind their lies, it\u2019s important to be open, honest, and vulnerable with your partner. This goes for both partners. One should create a safe space for communication and allow their lying partner to admit their faults or own up to the issues they want to hide.\u201d<\/p>\n Related Reading: <\/strong>5 White Lies In Relationships That Partners Tell Each Other At Some Point<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n But be prepared for difficult conversations, because if they\u2019re hiding something, it\u2019s an emotional wound that needs to be addressed and not a place to play the blame game. Focus on the present and not the past.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Nandita suggests, \u201cOne of the ways a lying partner can mend their ways is by practicing empathy, or trying to put themselves in the other person\u2019s shows. They should try and realize how they would feel if they had been lied to.\u201d<\/p>\n On the other hand, most people lie to their partners because they feel they might be judged if they speak the truth. Of course, there can be other reasons, such as hiding a crime or a manipulative act. But if you\u2019re being lied to, it\u2019s important to introspect and ask yourself, \u201cAm I being judgmental?\u201d Loosen up and be easy-going for your partner to accept themselves as they are, so that they don\u2019t need to lie to you by hiding information.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Nandita says, \u201cA healthy relationship is built on the pillars of trust, honesty, and integrity. While we all tend to lie sometimes, it\u2019s crucial to have boundaries.\u201d Thus, when you find out your partner has been withholding key details, you need to set clear and healthy boundaries<\/a>. Be kind but firm in your demands. If they start dismissing you, saying you\u2019re overreacting, tell them that you need them to be honest to go ahead with the relationship.<\/p>\n Related Reading: <\/strong>How To Maintain Your Sanity If Your Partner Is A Compulsive Liar<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Lastly, if all your efforts to make your partner stop lying by withholding key information fail, try going for couples counseling. There\u2019s no alternative to expert advice when it comes to relationship issues. \u00a0If you\u2019d like to explore this option to deal with lying by omission, skilled and licensed therapists on\u00a0Bonobology\u2019s panel<\/a>\u00a0are here for you.<\/p>\n Though some people still feel that there\u2019s no such thing as a lie of omission, we\u2019d like to believe that lies, be it by omission or commission, have the potential to hurt the person who\u2019s being lied to. More so, if that person is a long-term partner. Trust is the basis of any relationship, and being transparent about oneself is the best way to go forward. Hope this article helped you understand how telling lies by omission destroys relationships and how you can manage such situations. So, don\u2019t let petty lies spell the end of the beautiful bond with your partner.<\/p>\n Yes, very much. Lying is lying, whether you actively tell a lie by providing false information or lie by withholding certain information. Both have the potential to destroy relationships. Some believe lying by omission is worse than lying actively, as it\u2019s all about not telling the whole truth and can be a tool for manipulation.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Some people justify lies by saying \u2018white lies\u2019 that don\u2019t harm anybody are 11 Signs Of Dishonesty In A Relationship<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n 11 Worst Lies In A Relationship And What They Mean For Your Relationship \u2013 Revealed<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n How To Deal With A Lying Husband?<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n <\/div>\nWhat Is Lying By Omission?<\/h2>\n
\u25cf To avoid hurting someone\u2019s feelings<\/strong>: People also lie by omission so as not to hurt someone close to them
\u25cf To protect one\u2019s self-image<\/strong>: Nandita says, \u201cWhen people start keeping secrets, it could be to maintain a positive self-image or to not lose face.\u201d Hiding their flaws seems to be a good idea for some
\u25cf To gain respect<\/strong>: Nandita adds, \u201cWhen people lie by omitting some details they could actually be concerned about gaining respect in the eyes of their partners.\u201d
\u25cf Because of past trauma<\/strong> or emotional baggage<\/a><\/strong>: One partner can lie by omitting details about their life because they may have been ridiculed or been at the receiving end of hostile behavior for speaking the truth in the past
\u25cf To be in control<\/strong>: Omitting certain details about one\u2019s life is a clear way of gaining control of the relationship dynamic. Some people like manipulating a situation by not giving their partners access to complete information about themselves as a power tactic<\/p>\n7 Everyday Examples Of Lying By Omission In Relationships<\/h2>\n
1. Professional details<\/h3>\n
\u25cf Omission of details about what one does at work<\/strong>: This involves lying about the type of work one does, especially when one is lying at the beginning of a relationship. For instance, a person can say he works at a Michelin-star restaurant, to make it sound like he holds an important post, while in reality, he may just be waiting tables there
\u25cf Omission of details about job loss<\/strong>: People often keep news about losing their jobs, be it due to layoffs or dismissal. Nandita adds, \u201cIf a boss has fired or made a bad case of one partner, they may not want to come home and say it. This could be because of the fear of their partner\u2019s reaction or their supposed loss of prestige.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
2. Financial status<\/h3>\n
3. Past relationships<\/h3>\n
\u25cf How long they had been with the exes
\u25cf How intimate they had been or whether they had had sex with their exes
\u25cf The reason that led to the breakup. People lie about this because the actual reason could reveal some flaw at their end, such as abusive behavior or substance abuse
\u25cf Who ended the relationship<\/p>\n\n
4. Family or personal history<\/h3>\n
\u25cf Not revealing all the details about one\u2019s criminal record, even if it\u2019s about spending a night in jail for a student rally in college days
\u25cf Not revealing the professions of one\u2019s family members. So, a person who\u2019s not particularly proud that his father is a janitor may not reveal the details of his father\u2019s profession to his potential girlfriend
\u25cf Withholding information about a mental illness<\/a> or physical disability of a family member<\/p>\n5. Health conditions<\/h3>\n
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6. Affairs<\/h3>\n
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7. Family\u2019s opinions of you<\/h3>\n
9 Consequences Of Lying By Omission On Relationships<\/h2>\n
1. Lack of trust<\/h3>\n
trust the other partner even when they\u2019re not lying.<\/p>\n\n
2. Feeling of being betrayed<\/h3>\n
3. Lack of self-esteem<\/h3>\n
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4. Stress<\/h3>\n
5. Permanent emotional damage<\/h3>\n
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6. Lack of growth<\/h3>\n
7. Lack of honest communication<\/h3>\n
So, in such cases you may witness the following:
\u25cf The liar doesn\u2019t talk freely for fear of exposing their lie
\u25cf The person at the receiving end of such lies stops asking questions and grows distant<\/p>\n\n
8. Lack of problem-solving<\/h3>\n
9. Lack of balance<\/h3>\n
\u25cf It makes you more selfish<\/strong>: When you lie by omission, you tend to focus on your own needs or what you think is right, giving less importance to your partner\u2019s right to know the truth
\u25cf It makes you more manipulative<\/strong>: Omitting major facts lets you manipulate the relationship<\/a> according to your will
\u25cf It gives you an unfair advantage in the relationship power dynamic<\/strong>: Lying by omitting details shifts the power in the relationship to you. So, you know something that your partner doesn\u2019t and that is unfair<\/p>\nHow To Deal With Lying By Omission<\/h2>\n
1. Acknowledge the problem<\/h3>\n
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2. Identify the reason<\/h3>\n
3. Have an open communication<\/h3>\n
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4. Empathy<\/h3>\n
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5. Set firm boundaries<\/h3>\n
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6. Consult a counselor<\/h3>\n
Key Pointers<\/h3>\n
<\/p>\n
communicating or not telling the whole truth. But it doesn\u2019t involve honest omission<\/li>\n
gaining control of a relationship<\/li>\n
relationships, financial status, or health conditions<\/li>\n
channels of honest communication, showing empathy, setting boundaries, and
consulting a counselor<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\nFAQs<\/h2>\n
justified if they are a means to a positive end. For instance, though you hate
the French toast your wife cooks every Sunday, you tell her it\u2019s tasty so that
she isn\u2019t hurt.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n
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