Ever felt your throat dry up before approaching women? Do your hands shake every time you muster up the courage to pass a book down to that cute guy in your class? Are you still googling \u2018how to not get nervous when talking to a girl\u2019? Guess what, you could be a victim of approach anxiety. So, what is this condition? What are some signs of such anxiety and how deeply does it affect your dating life? Can you overcome it?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Read on, as we unearth the intricacies of this particular anxiety with the help of our expert psychotherapist and psychosocial analyst Dr. Aman Bhonsle<\/a> (PhD, PGDTA), who specializes in relationship counseling and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. We\u2019ll not just look at the signs and causes of such anxiety but also help you find out effective ways to overcome it.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Dr. Bhonsle<\/a> says, \u201cThe fear of approaching someone new or someone who\u2019s too attractive to approach, stems from deep-seated self-esteem<\/a> issues and the fear of new situations. This is often due to the effort that one has to put in to break free from the shackles of age-old norms that we\u2019re taught to abide by. Though it\u2019s mostly seen in children and adolescents, approach anxiety can occur at any age. It\u2019s not gender-specific either. So, women can be as affected by such anxiety as men.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n In men, it can manifest as the fear of approaching a woman. But Quora user M Burks<\/a> believes women have it worse, as society expects men to make the first move for dates or relationships. So, the fear of romantic rejection can cause many women to stay away from approaching men. Likewise, this condition should not be confused with introversion. An introvert may not necessarily be anxious in social scenarios but may just be avoiding people because they don\u2019t like being a part of crowds.<\/p>\n Related Reading: <\/strong>\u201cMy Anxiety Is Ruining My Relationship\u201d: 6 Ways It Does And 5 Ways To Manage It<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n <\/p>\n So, what are some obvious signs of approach anxiety in a person? Here are some instances that show a person may be suffering from such anxiety:<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Now that you know how to find out if you\u2019ve been suffering from this condition, are you questioning yourself \u201cWhy do I get nervous when talking to a girl?\u201d Let\u2019s unearth some of the root causes that are responsible for this condition. So, why are some people more prone to this type of anxiety than others? Is it genetic or is it caused by social conditioning? Let\u2019s look at what can potentially lead to anxiety while approaching others:<\/p>\n One of the prime reasons behind approach anxiety is bullying or humiliation by friends in school or college. In fact, this can lead to a lot of difficulty in starting conversations later in life. Dr. Bhonsle adds, \u201cRepeated humiliation by peers or even parents can contribute to an innate lack of confidence or fear of approaching people in general.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Previous failures in relationships, social scenarios, or careers too can make someone feel insecure in new relationships <\/a>and uncomfortable while approaching people. \u201cPeople may have been at the receiving end of politics, or may have been shamed in a social situation. For instance, something as simple as being excluded from a selfie could trigger social anxiety,\u201d adds Dr. Bhonsle<\/p>\n Related Reading: <\/strong>12 Signs Your Past Relationships Are Affecting Your Present Relationship<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n People who have been raised by conservative parents, or have been to schools with rigid environments, may end up suffering from an uncontrolled fear of approaching people.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Dr. Bhonsle agrees, \u201cMany schools have extremely rigid rules and often punish students for being different. Plus, a rigid upbringing can make the overall character of a person too rigid. In such cases, the person isn\u2019t able to approach anyone or any situation that\u2019s a bit more challenging or different. It\u2019s because they have an innate affinity to their tribe and have feelings of anxiety whenever that status quo is challenged.\u201d Some instances of such rigidity are as follows:<\/p>\n <\/p>\n People who are born into well-known families or have high achievers, such as movie stars or award-winning academicians, as relatives, can face anxiety when approaching people. Dr. Bhonsle thinks, \u201cThey are constantly hounded by the feeling of not being enough. This could mostly be self-created, but it\u2019s also true that society often compares children or siblings of famous or high-achieving people with them. And when one falls into this comparison trap<\/a>, it creates a lot of pressure.\u201d<\/p>\n In the modern rat-race, there\u2019s often an immense pressure to perform. Dr. Bhonsle says, \u201cRight from his formative years, a man is driven to get a girlfriend, do well in extracurricular activities, rank in competitive exams, have a social circle, and be on social media. All of this creates a burn-out, which may then manifest as social anxiety.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cAdded to this is the social pressure of bravado that most guys face. So, as if academic pressure<\/a> isn\u2019t enough, peers and friends often push guys to score a pretty girl at a party or in college. He may not wish to live up to those expected acts of bravado and may just want to have a hot meal and go to sleep. But, at the end of the day, he is expected to live up to a macho image or to be a man.\u201d<\/p>\n Related Reading: <\/strong>15 Signs A Guy Is Nervous Around You And 5 Reasons Why<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Dr. Bhonsle feels \u201cThe greatest cancer in society is the inclination to follow pre-existing norms. If people aren\u2019t encouraged to be original or to question rules, they may prefer to stick to their mundane lives and may suffer from approach anxiety whenever they are thrust into challenging situations. They will then look for a safe shelter in things that they have been told to believe in.\u201d<\/p>\n This can include:<\/p>\n <\/p>\n People who aren\u2019t used to mingling with real people a lot and are hooked on to the virtual world can feel anxious when approaching new people. For instance, a friend of mine, Amy, would shut herself in her hostel room and play video games, be glued to her smartphone or Kindle, or watch Netflix, instead of interacting with her peers at her institute. When she had to present to an audience at a conference, she was shaking with anxiety.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n There are many introverts who don\u2019t like interacting with people, but it\u2019s not anxiety unless it prevents you from being functional or from participating in an event you like. Introverts can flirt<\/a>, work, and have healthy relationships, but people with approach anxiety can\u2019t.<\/p>\n Picture a teacher\u2019s pet who pleases the teacher by doing something as ordinary as rubbing the blackboard. When people grow up being rewarded for something bland, they don\u2019t wish to grow beyond their set boundaries. And this can lead to anxiety when they need to approach new places or people.<\/p>\n Related Reading: <\/strong>11 Expert Tips On How Not To Be Nervous On A Date<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n <\/p>\n Dr. Bhonsle believes, \u201cPositive reinforcement for doing something ordinary in life can lead to anxiety while approaching challenging situations. People who are happy with measly salaries in boring jobs, without the need to experiment, are the most appropriate example of this kind.\u201d<\/p>\n When people aren\u2019t allowed to show their emotions or be themselves, approach anxiety can creep in. Dr. Bhonsle says, \u201cWe often say men aren\u2019t able to express their emotions<\/a>, but women in our society, too, are often asked to tone themselves down and are blamed for everything from laughing too loud to sitting in a certain manner. This results in bottled-up feelings, which could make them suffer from this type of anxiety.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Now that you know what makes you anxious when you try to approach others, we will look at some expert-backed solutions to eliminate anxiety. So, here are 11 tips on how to overcome approach anxiety:<\/p>\n Wondering how that beautiful woman might react if you approach her? Most people with this condition feel things might go bad if they approach other people. Instead of focusing on what might go wrong, think of it as an exercise or a practice session to hone your communication skills. This will also help you communicate better<\/a> in relationships in future.<\/p>\n Related Reading:<\/strong> 9 Ways To Deal With Relationship Anxiety \u2013 Tips From Experts<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n <\/p>\n Try asking yourself why you feel the way you feel. Why does meeting people make you nervous? Do you feel you\u2019re not good enough? Is it because of a broken home or a divorce? These are signs of low self-esteem<\/a>. Instead of projecting past disappointments or failures on your future interactions, address the real problem and work on your self-esteem.<\/p>\n People can be encouraged to go out to events, to talk to people, participate in workshops, or attend hobby classes to counter anxiety. Networking to make quality connections improves social skills like magic. Dr. Bhonsle feels, \u201cSuch people can be asked to network or do anything that helps them get over their fear of approaching people.\u201d<\/p>\n Related Reading: <\/strong>12 Ways To Cope With Dating Anxiety<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n <\/p>\n This is a great way to overcome the anxiety of approaching people in the formative years. Public speaking activities, such as elocution contests or even open mics, can be highly effective. In future, the lessons learned can be implemented to approach women or men in dating scenarios. This can help them improve their communication skills<\/a> in their relationships too.<\/p>\n Support groups, where one can feel comfortable and communicate with like-minded people, can be of great help in such cases. In fact, this can be a great exercise in starting conversations. Dr. Bhonsle agrees, \u201cSuch groups can provide empathy and show it\u2019s not a disease but just a limitation.\u201d<\/p>\n Related Reading: <\/strong>26 Love Yourself Quotes to Build Your Confidence<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n <\/p>\n Do you get clammy hands when you think of approaching beautiful women? Worried that the guy you fancy at work is too handsome to be approached? Do you suffer from anxiety before meeting someone you like?<\/p>\n Fret not. Focus on what you can bring to the interaction or conversation. Make them realize your worth<\/a>. So, she\u2019s pretty, but you\u2019re a film buff who knows why Barbie has beaten Oppenheimer in the box-office race. He\u2019s from an Ivy League institute, but nobody in the whole world can beat you in the piano.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Wondering how to calm nerves before a date? The best dating coach will probably ask you to pay less attention to the opinions of strangers or even friends. It\u2019s your life! So, go ahead and take the plunge. Be confident, maintain eye contact<\/a>, and speak your heart out. Be prepared for any outcome, but don\u2019t let other people ruin the fun.<\/p>\n If your family isn\u2019t supportive of your growth or creates situations not conducive to your growth, consider moving to a new city. Likewise, if you\u2019re stuck to a particular neighborhood or a job for years and are scared to interact with people apart from your known circle, the same suggestion can be followed. Dr. Bhonsle states, \u201cBreaking away from known templates is necessary to deal with this sort of anxiety.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n People with social anxiety can be included in fun experiments or encouraged to ask ice breaker questions<\/a> to people. Dr. Bhonsle talks about the Train Project, which he had implemented to cure a 20-something guy of such anxiety. Dr. Bhonsle recalls, \u201cThe guy had severe anxiety and would be scared if someone else\u2019s shadow crossed his. He came from a family where his needs were neglected and had grown up seeing bitter arguments between his parents.<\/p>\n \u201cI asked him to go to his nearest train station and reach out to 5 random strangers. All he would have to do was to walk up to them, offer them some tea, ask them 3 generic questions, and initiate a discussion. While he was initially scared, he later approached these people with confidence. One of the strangers was so pally that he even offered to pay for this fellow\u2019s tea.\u201d<\/p>\n Related Reading: <\/strong>26 Love Yourself Quotes to Build Your Confidence<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n <\/p>\n Sometimes, reactions of people around us aren\u2019t in our control. If you think you\u2019re too anxious to date someone, start by jotting down what\u2019s in your control and what\u2019s not. Focusing what you\u2019re capable of doing, without thinking of how people might react, could cure such anxiety. For instance, you can approach the woman of your dreams with all the confidence you have. But how she reacts will not be up to you. So, let it go! This will also help you manage expectations in relationships<\/a> later.<\/p>\n Finally, if you\u2019re failing in getting over approach anxiety even after a lot of effort, try consulting a counselor. There is no alternative to therapy. Dr. Bhonsle feels, \u201cExposure therapy is the best way to deal with this situation. A person who\u2019s scared of water is advised to first get into a bathtub and then visit a water park and then a beach. Likewise, there should be a gradual, step-by-step exposure to the cause of the anxiety.\u201d<\/p>\n Approach anxiety is nothing but your fear of reaching out to people beyond your known circle. It\u2019s not something that is frequently addressed, because most people don\u2019t own up to suffering from it. But remember, you can\u2019t turn into a confident man<\/a> or woman overnight. One has to address one\u2019s feelings of inadequacies and the inability to adapt to new surroundings. Here\u2019s hoping after reading this article, you\u2019re no longer wondering, \u201cHow to overcome approach anxiety?\u201d So, what are you waiting for? Approach your crush with confidence!<\/p>\n 10 Tips To Date When You Have Social Anxiety<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Dating Someone With Anxiety \u2013 Helpful Tips, Dos, And Don\u2019ts<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n First Date Nerves \u2013 13 Tips To Help You Ace It<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n <\/div>\nWhat Is Approach Anxiety?<\/h2>\n
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Signs of approach anxiety<\/h2>\n
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Why Do We Feel Approach Anxiety?<\/h2>\n
1. Past humiliation or failures<\/h3>\n
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2. Rigid upbringing<\/h3>\n
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3. Lineage<\/h3>\n
4. The pressure to perform<\/h3>\n
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5. When people aren\u2019t allowed to be original<\/h3>\n
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6. Lack of real-life exposure<\/h3>\n
7. Non-growth mindset<\/h3>\n
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8. Bottling up emotions<\/h3>\n
11 Expert-Backed Tips For Overcoming Approach Anxiety<\/h2>\n
1. Restructure your situation objectively<\/h3>\n
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2. Address your self-esteem<\/h3>\n
3. Engage in networking<\/h3>\n
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4. Participate in public speaking<\/h3>\n
5. Join support groups<\/h3>\n
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6. Focus on what you can bring to the table<\/h3>\n
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7. Forget about what other people think<\/h3>\n
8. Move away from familiar situations<\/h3>\n
9. Indulge in fun approach anxiety exercises or tasks<\/h3>\n
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10. Limit your expectations<\/h3>\n
11. Seek professional help<\/h3>\n
Key Pointers<\/h3>\n
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