Your partner receives a text from someone they don\u2019t particularly like. If it was you, you would have hit reply within a minute and forgotten all about it later. Not your partner, though. Here\u2019s what dating an overthinker could look like: Your anxious partner is now running drafts of a response in their head, trying to analyze the choice of tone and words, and thinking of all the ways their text could be perceived. They finally hit \u2018send\u2019 only to worry about: \u201cWould they feel upset at my message?\u201d \u201cShould I have texted this\/that instead?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Research<\/a> suggests that 73% of 25 to 35-year-olds and 52% of 45 to 55-year-olds chronically overthink before or right after taking action. One seemingly small thing sets off a chain of mental events that they feel unable to control. You probably see your beloved partner tackle these mental gymnastics every day, and wish to learn how to comfort an overthinker in a situation like this. We will go through a list of 15 things that you can do for successfully dating someone who overthinks everything.<\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n From the above example, it\u2019s clear that an overthinker feels pressured to do things \u2018right,\u2019 they care what others think of them, they over-explain, they constantly assume that they are not seen in a positive light, and they second-guess their ideas all the time. They are exhausted. If you\u2019re dating a person with anxiety<\/a>, it means you are ideally sensitive enough to read up on anxiety and how it affects your partner.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n While dating an overthinker, you may face challenges because of the following behavioral patterns:<\/p>\n Related Reading:<\/strong> How To Stop Worrying About Your Relationship \u2014 8 Expert Tips<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n <\/span><\/p>\n Overthinking is a person\u2019s way to achieve a semblance of safety, control, and understanding of their inner and outer environment. Often, their brain reacts to a perceived and familiar threat, and leads them into an overdrive to protect themselves. Overthinking can be caused by stressors, health issues, financial problems, loss, or trauma. If one doesn\u2019t manage their chronic overthinking, it can lead to mental health issues and even physical illness.<\/p>\n Dr. J. Christopher Fowler, director of professional wellness at Houston Methodis, says in this article<\/a>, \u201cOverthinking can feel an awful lot like problem-solving. But problem-solving is when you ask questions with the intent of finding an answer. Overthinking is when you dwell on possibilities and pitfalls without any real intent of solving a problem. In fact, a problem or potential problem may not even actually exist.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n Now that you know some of the things to expect when dating an overthinker, let\u2019s talk about how you can date this person successfully. Here are our 15 tips that can help you deal with an overthinker boyfriend or girlfriend:<\/p>\n Alec, a reader from Dallas, tells us how to date an overthinker, \u201cMy partner overthinks a lot. I know it comes from a place of not feeling safe enough. So in order to be a better boyfriend<\/a>, I do what I do best: I listen. I don\u2019t offer advice unless asked and use my words carefully when I have to. That\u2019s really all that\u2019s required sometimes. And a long hug, of course.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n Being in love with someone who overthinks is not going to be easy. And you will have to make a conscious effort to validate your partner; their feelings are important. If they could \u2018choose\u2019 to not overthink, they would. Clearly, there are bigger internal forces at play here and you need to respect the fact that your partner is anxious about something, regardless of your feelings on the subject. Listen to them. Let them let it out.<\/p>\n This is one of the relationship red flags in a man<\/a>\/woman that one needs to watch out for. Never resort to telling your partner that they tend to over analyze things when they have \u2018legitimate\u2019 concerns.<\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n Yes, you have an overthinking partner on your hands but that doesn\u2019t mean that every line of thought or every insight they share is a result of their anxious brain. You can\u2019t censor, shut them down, or judge their reasonable worries by telling them that they are \u201cjust overthinking.\u201d<\/p>\n Okay, so what\u2019s going on?<\/p>\n When loving an overthinker, you don\u2019t just have to deal their analysis paralysis but also help them overcome it. Try to help them name the \u2018specific\u2019 emotions they are experiencing. Are they feeling frustrated, concerned, hungry, guilty, angry, jealous, rejected, betrayed, lonely? This will help you get to the root of the issue.<\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n Their mind is a jumble at this point. Expressing their feelings is not easy for them right now. If you can be a kind mirror to their anxiety, that would be helpful, in addition to trying to offer support. So, name the problem to solve the problem.<\/p>\n Related Reading: <\/strong>8 Ways To Cultivate Emotional Safety In Your Relationship<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Do this only when they are receptive to you. Feelings are pieces of information provided by your brain based on your heart rate, your senses, environment, body temperature, thoughts, etc. When your partner is distressed and tends to analyze everything far too much, remind them that this is temporary, help them figure out where the emotion is stemming from, what it\u2019s trying to tell them, and help them feed \u2018new\u2019 information to their brain that helps the brain understand that things ARE okay. (You can do this through grounding techniques that we\u2019ll discuss later.)<\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n Dr. Julie Smith says in her book Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?<\/em>: \u201cWe can\u2019t just press a button and produce our desired set of emotions for the day. But we do know that how we feel is closely entwined with: a) the state of our body, b) the thoughts we spend time with, c) and our actions. These parts of our experience are the ones that we can influence and change. The constant feedback between the brain, the body, and our environment means that we can use those to influence how we feel.\u201d<\/p>\n Are you wondering how to help an overthinker in a relationship by improving your communication? You need to keep the following in mind when dating an overthinker:<\/p>\n When you\u2019re in love with someone who overthinks, sending a plain \u201cwe need to talk\u201d text message will do nothing but make them overthink.<\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n Basically, don\u2019t scare them to death.<\/mark> Cryptic messages, vague intentionality, letting them think something is wrong (when it\u2019s not) \u2013 Just no. They \u2018will\u2019 jump to the worst conclusions and reach the darkest corners of their mind. If there\u2019s an important discussion regarding finances, instead of texting \u201cwe need to talk,\u201d tell them, \u201cHey, I was thinking we can go over our finances when you get some time. Let\u2019s brainstorm about our monthly budget and savings, yeah? I can use your help.\u201d<\/p>\n Related Reading: <\/strong>10 Ways Overthinking Ruins Relationships<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n If you\u2019re in love with an overthinker, try to ask yourself, and them: What is causing them to overthink? Dig deeper. You need to learn these various things about them to practice a healthy relationship:<\/p>\n There\u2019s a reason for them to be in self-preservation and survival mode, and why their body and mind feel threatened. To be a loving partner to them, you must understand where they are coming from.<\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n Help them take baby steps when they are feeling anxious and are unable to soothe themselves. See if you can get them to zoom in to just one part of the problem.<\/p>\n So, the refrigerator broke down and they don\u2019t have enough money to get it fixed. A friend owes them money but hasn\u2019t given it back yet and they are now mad at the friend too. They forgot to get the refrigerator serviced when they were supposed to, so now they are wondering, \u201cOh no, is it MY fault?\u201d They don\u2019t have enough time OR money to purchase a new refrigerator right now. There\u2019s food in there that will spoil and they don\u2019t know what to do with it. This is their state of mind where they can\u2019t help but just think of the worst case scenarios.<\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n In this case, you need to break down the problem to your partner before a flurry of thoughts catch up to them. Tell them: We don\u2019t have to buy a new refrigerator right away. Let\u2019s call the customer support and wait for them to tell us what the issue is, and then we can come up with a plan. Offer to go to the neighbors\/friends to request them to keep some of the perishable items in their fridge. When the panic subsides a little, you can even use light (not insensitive) humor to bring them to the present moment.<\/p>\n Related Reading:<\/strong> 8 Expert Tips To Navigate A Rough Patch In A Relationship<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n That\u2019s the key to loving an overthinker. It might seem like they want you to follow them inside their storm, but that\u2019s not what they really \u2018need.\u2019 Yes, your nonchalance in the face of their anxiety would be insensitive. But they do need you to stay calm and compassionate so they have an anchor to tug back to.<\/p>\n Here\u2019s what to say to an overthinker boyfriend\/girlfriend\/partner:<\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n In a healthy relationship with somebody who has the traits of an overthinker, here are some of the calming things that you should be doing with them:<\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n Just the way you craft your words in a conversation with them can make all the difference to how they process the problem. An overthinker needs a good communicator to help them see the bigger picture. Be the person who comes up with solutions (or just a listening ear), and not the one that goes up to a person who has a cold and tells them \u201cDon\u2019t sneeze.\u201d Like we said before, if they could have stopped overthinking, they would have.<\/p>\n While giving them a solution, remember this:<\/p>\n Related Reading: <\/strong>What Is Texting Anxiety And How To Rein It In?<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n <\/span><\/p>\n If you\u2019re dating an overthinker, they\u2019ve run twenty circles around the huge question of \u2018us,\u2019 i.e. you and them. According to a user<\/a> on a Reddit thread, \u201cI found I was applying a double standard for my relationship. Why do I think of it with a lens of idealism? Yes, a relationship is a large part of one\u2019s life and should be, for the best, done as optimally as possible, but if you can tell me something else you did perfectly or idyllically, I will be surprised.\u201d<\/p>\n Apart from their overthinking on the relationship front, they will be hard on themselves \u2013 Their mistakes, their failed\/stalled\/imperfect plans, decision-making skills, etc. Be kind to them and accept them as they are, that is the best way to love someone who tends to overthink. Place your faith in them because often, they can\u2019t do the same for themselves.<\/p>\n You\u2019d think that their thought process should go from A to B. But it is not that easy for them. They might take a circuitous route and hit C and F, roll down to Q and Z, before they finally land at B, and wonder if they should go back again. For them, covering those bases is important at that moment. Try to understand the reasoning behind their thought process, scattered or hyper as it seems, in order to achieve emotional attunement with your partner<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not good enough,\u201d this is what Alyssa, a 26-year-old wood sculptor, used to think whenever they hit a bump on the road. \u201cI would fall down the rabbit hole of self-deprecation and think that no one would love, hire, befriend me \u2013 Depending on the area of my perceived rejection.\u201d<\/p>\n Here\u2019s what you need to keep in mind when your overthinking partner jumps down this rabbit hole:<\/p>\nWhy Is It Hard To Date An Overthinker?<\/h2>\n
<\/span><\/p>\n
\n
15 Tips To Make Dating An Overthinker Successful<\/h2>\n
<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>\n1. Hear them out<\/h3>\n
2. Don\u2019t generalize or mock their overthinking<\/h3>\n
3. Dig up the source of their present anxiety<\/h3>\n
<\/span><\/p>\n
\n
4. Remind them gently that emotions and feelings are not necessarily facts<\/h3>\n
5. Always be clear with your intent and communication<\/h3>\n
<\/span><\/p>\n
6. Never send messages like \u201cwe need to talk\u201d without context<\/h3>\n
\n
7. Learn more about their past<\/h3>\n
\n
8. Redirect them gently and break down the problem<\/h3>\n
\n
9. Dating an overthinker will require you to stay calm<\/h3>\n
<\/span><\/p>\n
10. Help them with self-soothing techniques<\/h3>\n
\n
![\"On](\"https:\/\/www.bonobology.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/On-Dating-Tips.jpg)
11. Say \u201cwe can do this\u201d instead of \u201cdon\u2019t think like that\u201d<\/h3>\n
\n
\n
12. It\u2019s draining to overthink, so take care of them<\/h3>\n
13. To comfort an overthinker, you\u2019ll need to be patient<\/h3>\n
14. Remind them of their worth<\/h3>\n
\n
![\"dating](\"https:\/\/www.bonobology.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/daing-an-overthinker-book.jpg)