Future faking is a slang term for when someone deliberately manipulates you by overpromising a grand future they cannot deliver on.<\/p>\n
The manipulator, (often a narcissist), will hook you emotionally and lure you into giving them what they want by faking what (and how much) they can offer you in the future.<\/p>\n
The term is usually used in dating, but future faking is common in all kinds of relationships. From bosses and employees to athletes and coaches, future fakers are not picky when it comes to which relational context they choose to use this tactic.<\/p>\n
The thing is, they are not picky about when to use this tactic, but it only works on those who are already needy of something or who are unsuspecting.<\/p>\n
In short, the narcissist can only get away with future faking on certain people, and what we want to do here is make sure that you are not in that basket of people they can easily manipulate!<\/strong><\/p>\n CLICK Here to Learn the ONE thing you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say!<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n Future faking usually happens most intensely and frequently at the start of a relationship.<\/p>\n However, people with narcissistic personality disorder will use future faking at any time, even years into a relationship with you.<\/p>\n So why does it usually happen at the start of a relationship? Because time is on their side right at the beginning.<\/p>\n Early on in the relationship, someone can make over the top promises without being discovered, because not enough time has passed yet.<\/p>\n That\u2019s why they come on strong with phoney future promises as early as possible.<\/p>\n Future faking also happens often at the beginning of romantic relationships because it allows a potential suitor to appeal to your vulnerabilities and emotions quickly, establishing greater control over you.<\/p>\n Here\u2019s the deal:<\/p>\n Due in part to the fact that future fakers know they don\u2019t actually have any real substance<\/strong> or game, they unconsciously developed the strategy of being charming and faking it til they make it.<\/p>\n Would you like to discover exactly how serious he is about you? You can find out for yourself with our free quiz: QUIZ TIME: Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with this specially crafted quiz!<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n There are many reasons people use this tactic in interpersonal relationships, and not all of the reasons are malevolent.<\/p>\n People future fake because:<\/p>\n QUIZ TIME: Anxious, avoidant or secure attachment patterns? Which one do I have? <\/span><\/b>CLICK HERE to find out with our specially crafted women-specific 10 Question Quiz! (Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it\u2019s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)<\/a><\/p>\n If you want to spot a future faker, the first thing to know is that they will either:<\/p>\n Here are some specific examples of future faking\u2026they may say things like:<\/p>\n Examples of future faking in contexts other than romantic relationships:<\/p>\n When your boss at work tells you that you\u2019re working hard and doing exceptionally well, and if you keep that up you will bag the new, higher job position and a hefty raise.<\/p>\n But after working longer hours and even on weekends for months or years, you find that your boss always has a reason to keep you in your current position. \u201cOh you\u2019ll have that new position as soon as it\u2019s approved by the big boss.\u201d Or \u201cAh, I\u2019ll get around to promoting you in the new year..\u201d<\/p>\n The weirdest thing happened to my family and I a few years ago. My son is a well known jiu jitsu competitor in Australia, especially Melbourne. Though he\u2019s young, he achieved the number 1 position for under 18s in the world at age 9 in one of the well established jiu jitsu competitions worldwide.<\/p>\n Anyway, you can probably imagine that it would\u2019ve been valuable for my son to represent his club.<\/p>\n We showed up one day for kids training and he immediately started talking to us about his unique method of training the kids and basically started flexing and telling grand stories (ahem, lies).<\/p>\n Over the course of a couple of months, he started intense future faking:<\/p>\n He had no intention of stopping those payments. Gee, what a 180 he did \u2013 he couldn\u2019t keep up the facade anymore, and nor did he care as he was busy trying to snag other good competitors now that he\u2019d snagged us. And our money.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n We never even asked for any of this. We were happy to travel no matter what for the right training for our son, since it\u2019s incredibly difficult to get good training at that age in that sport where we live.<\/p>\n The coach also \u201clove bombed\u201d my son by giving him free items every time he showed up. From hoodies to key rings to lanyards to stickers to t-shirts, (a lot of them with his club\u2019s logo on it, of course.<\/p>\n That was years ago now, and we were lucky that we managed to get our son out of that rather quickly.<\/p>\n That is partly thanks to my son\u2019s incredibly sound gut feeling about the club (it was the only club in which he hated attending and didn\u2019t want to wear the clothing that was given to him for free).<\/p>\n Hundreds of parents ended up leaving in anger after we left as well.<\/p>\n However, others aren\u2019t so lucky because they\u2019ve been stuck there for years, pandering to the coach, and now so deeply caught in his web of narcissistic control that they (and their kids) cannot leave.<\/p>\n I can attest to the fact that if you have a mentally ill, controlling and narcissistic parent, they will likely use future faking to manipulate you.<\/p>\n As a child, you might be quite vulnerable to these empty promises, but over time you begin to wise up to the fact that your parent has left a long trail of broken promises behind them.<\/p>\n Narcissists use future faking to keep you in their grasp, as they cannot bear (nor cope with) the idea of you leaving them.<\/p>\n You leaving them would disrupt their narcissistic supply<\/a> catastrophically.<\/p>\n A mother or father who is using future faking to manipulate you might:<\/p>\n In my own case, my adoptive mother used to promise to play my favorite board game with me if I just got better at knowing my times tables than she ever was.<\/p>\n When I actually did accomplish that (I even received a trophy for my effort and skills at school and could out-recite her when it came to the times tables), she sat and played with me for half a game, and then lost her temper and said I wasn\u2019t good enough at the game. She never played again, and I never asked again either.<\/p>\n That was when I was young.<\/p>\n When I got older and met and moved in with my now husband whom she has hated from day 1, she promised me a brand new Mercedes car if I would just leave him and come back home.<\/p>\n She did end up buying the Mercedes without talking to me about it. But it turns out it wasn\u2019t really for me, it was for her it was conveniently used as a tool for gaslighting me.<\/p>\n It didn\u2019t matter anyway, as I never took her seriously, never drove it \u2013 and thank goodness, I never returned home.<\/p>\n QUIZ TIME: Are you truly living in your feminine energy? CLICK HERE to find out with my specially crafted 9 Question Quiz!<\/span><\/b><\/a><\/p>\n There are 7 common signs a woman is perceived as low value to all men, because men simply perceive value differently to women. Do you know what these signs are and how to avoid them like the plague? CLICK HERE to download this special report. <\/span><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n It\u2019s harder to spot a future faker if you\u2019re in need of what they\u2019re promising or offering you. The more you need<\/em><\/strong> it, the more vulnerable you are to them, and the less you\u2019ll be able to spot them.<\/p>\n But one thing you can do if you want to spot a future faker, is reveal and test them in intelligent ways. If they don\u2019t pass the tests, you know they\u2019re likely a love bombing future faker.<\/p>\n You test a future faker by:<\/p>\n Is he hooked on grandiosity and pretentiousness? Or does he have every intent to fulfil his promises?<\/p>\n When future faking, people often get really carried away with their need for glory and their desire to present themselves as this ultra powerful saviour.<\/p>\n But this requires rehearsing and acting on their part, which leaves no room at all for playfulness. That\u2019s where your playfulness comes in to trip them up (in a good way). The spontaneity will cut through the rehearsed BS.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n Their obsession with their false promises leads to them being highly myopic, focusing on the image they\u2019re creating, as they\u2019re incapable<\/strong> of actually connecting with you.<\/p>\n This facade and insincerity can be revealed very easily if you introduce some high value banter (which allows you to lead with playfulness) and spontaneity in your questions. (CLICK here to take my husband\u2019s free high value banter class and get FREE banter examples<\/strong><\/a>.)<\/p>\n As myself and my husband tell the women we coach all the time: a guy who cannot banter back to you at your level is not actually there to form a real relationship with you, regardless of how grand their promises.<\/p>\n CLICK here<\/strong><\/a> to discover why you as a woman need to use the dark art of \u201cHigh Value Banter\u201d in order to quickly weed out the wrong types of men and create emotional attraction with the \u201cBEST of MEN\u201d! <\/strong>(\u2026Even if no man has ever given you any love and all you\u2019ve encountered so far are pen pals, ghosts, booty calls, and incredible duds!)<\/em><\/p>\n Not always. The behavioral patterns that lead people to engage in future faking can be so unconscious and so well practiced that they never give their own behavior a second thought.<\/p>\n Plus, honest self reflection isn\u2019t a skill that narcissists possess, but it\u2019s not even a skill that a lot of \u201cnormal\u201d people possess.<\/p>\n Sometimes it\u2019s just old patterns running, and it\u2019s not a conscious attempt to make life miserable for you, as sometimes they don\u2019t even know that they\u2019re hurting you, as stated by Thriveworks.<\/a><\/p>\n But that\u2019s the best case scenario.<\/p>\n There are other people who are more calculating, and you could honestly say that they are intentionally trying to use you.<\/p>\n Specifically, use you as a pawn in their twisted game of succeeding in romance and reproduction.<\/p>\n No.<\/p>\n Sometimes, future fakers are otherwise normal people who possess some narcissistic traits. This is known as subclinical narcissism.<\/a><\/p>\n What you have to understand is that even some normal people use future faking. Why?<\/p>\n Well, it helps them solve adaptive problems. One example of these adaptive problems (in the context of dating) is how to pass on their own genes as quickly as possible.<\/p>\n What better way than to build a fantasy relationship in your mind based on a false promise or two, (or ten?)<\/p>\n If you buy into the future faking, that gives them the power to do what all living organisms instinctively want to do: reproduce.<\/p>\n Or at least, it gives them another option of whom to reproduce with.<\/p>\n You might think that this behavior definitely signals that they\u2019re a narcissist. But that\u2019s not true.<\/p>\n Narcissm is on a spectrum<\/a>, so normal people can sometimes use future faking to achieve a goal in their interpersonal relationships.<\/p>\n CLICK HERE to LEARN the one specific emotional trigger <\/span><\/b>within every masculine man that inspires him to want to take care of you, worship you and deeply commit to you.<\/a><\/p>\n Absolutely it is.<\/p>\n It\u2019s a form of gaslighting because it\u2019s a tool of control, which all gaslighting behavior is.<\/p>\n More: Gaslighting In A Relationship: 10 Examples & How To Stop It.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n If you try to hold your partner accountable to all their promises and they don\u2019t respond with empathy, warmth, compassion, you know that they\u2019re gaslighting you.<\/p>\n Sometimes future faking can be an innocent mistake of overpromising and under delivering \u2013 but a genuine person won\u2019t blame you for their own inability to deliver.<\/p>\n They\u2019ll own their part in the whole situation.<\/p>\n If you\u2019ve just started dating, it\u2019s relatively easy to stop someone in their tracks and walk away once you\u2019ve noticed the red flags.<\/p>\n As long as you\u2019re more emotionally attached to the negative consequences of getting involved with them than you are to their over the top promises, of course.<\/p>\n But let\u2019s say you\u2019ve just started dating them and are already in too deep. What can you do?<\/p>\n But what if you\u2019re more emotionally involved and even months or years into a fake relationship with a future faker?<\/p>\n Here\u2019s what you can do:<\/p>\n See the inconsistencies in their stories and words. If the best a guy can offer you is grand promises that never come to fruition, he won\u2019t care about the details of what he\u2019s said or promised. <\/p>\n So for example, today he promised you 5 cupcakes on your birthday, but tomorrow it\u2019s 2 cupcakes. That\u2019s a red flag you need to take note of. Don\u2019t brush it off, see it for what it is \u2013 a real inconsistency worth noting.<\/p>\n Best of luck out there! Remember, you\u2019re the best person to have your own back. If you don\u2019t do it, there\u2019s a slim chance anyone else will do it for you.\u00a0<\/p>\n Over to you now. Do you have any personal examples of future faking you can share with me? I\u2019d love to learn from you (as would other women). Looking forward to hearing from you in the comments below!<\/p>\n Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog<\/a>, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10\u2019s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.<\/p>\n Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n![\"future](\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/shh-1024x803.jpg\")
<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\nWhen Does Future Faking Happen?<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Why Do People Future Fake?<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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Future Faking Examples<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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Future Faking Bosses<\/strong><\/h3>\n
![\"learn](\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/hvb-gold-banner2.jpg.webp\")
<\/a><\/figure>\nFuture Faking Coaches<\/strong><\/h3>\n
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![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/KristinCake.jpg.webp\")
<\/a>When Parents Future Fake<\/strong><\/h3>\n
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8 Telltale Signs of Future Faking<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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How Can You Spot a Future Faker?<\/strong><\/h2>\n
How Can You Test A Future Faker?<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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Is Future Faking Intentional?<\/strong><\/h2>\n
![\"how](\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/wmpa-cta-blog.jpg.webp\")
<\/a><\/figure>\nAre All Future Fakers Narcissists?<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Is Future Faking A Form Of Gaslighting?<\/strong><\/h3>\n
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\n\u2026To finally learning the skill of weeding out the wrong types of men, and passing the hardest test of them all\u2026 an accidental pregnancy after a month of dating! (\u2026All by learning one simple skill.)<\/em><\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\nWhat to Do If You\u2019re Dating a Future Faker<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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![\"renee](\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/renee.jpg.webp\")
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