There are several early signs of a controlling man that if you aren\u2019t aware of, you may be vulnerable to.<\/p>\n
You don\u2019t know what you don\u2019t know, as they say.<\/p>\n
And there\u2019s a lot you may not know if you haven\u2019t been taught. Or if you haven\u2019t had the experience of being with someone who is controlling.<\/p>\n
And whilst most guys out there in the dating pool are good, decent men with no desire to reduce the quality of your life, there\u2019s a proportion of men who do <\/em>have nefarious intent.<\/p>\n So the goal of this article is to help you remove any blind spots around the signs of a controlling man, and to recognise the signs early enough<\/em><\/strong> that you don\u2019t waste decades of your life on the wrong person.<\/p>\n Well not only decades \u2013 even months is too much to waste on a toxic, controlling man.<\/p>\n QUIZ TIME: Are you truly living in your feminine energy? CLICK HERE to find out with my specially crafted 9 Question Quiz!<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n One of the best early detectors for a controlling guy is actually your <\/em><\/strong>feelings.\u00a0<\/p>\n You will<\/em> feel the effects of a lot of what a controlling man does, but here\u2019s the catch:<\/p>\n It\u2019s going to be hard to balance the \u2018bad feelings\u2019 or the feeling that \u2018something isn\u2019t right\u2019 about this guy against the good feelings he produces in you.<\/p>\n A lot of the early signs of a controlling man will be felt early on by you, these feelings may just be easy to overlook because the guy is giving you so much in other ways.<\/em><\/p>\n Abusers have tactics, you see.<\/p>\n They don\u2019t just treat you badly all <\/em>of the time. They seemingly treat you really well (on a surface level) as well as<\/em><\/strong> treating you badly.<\/p>\n Remember this:<\/p>\n In the beginning of a relationship, these tactics may not be \u2013 or feel \u2013 as severe. But they\u2019ll be there if you\u2019re watching and more importantly, feeling.<\/p>\n What are some early tactics of controlling men?<\/p>\n They may go on a rant about their exes who cheated on them (seems harmless to you, as you are not the target of his aggression).<\/p>\n Or they may do something that reveals their mean streak early on \u2013 like criticizing your choice of restaurant or your housekeeping skills in an unexpected, vile manner.<\/p>\n But then they\u2019ll shower you with gifts and declarations of undying love.\u00a0<\/p>\n Or perhaps they\u2019ll completely ignore your best friend when you introduce him or her \u2013 yet hold you gently from behind, kissing your neck while telling you how beautiful you are.<\/p>\n Some of the most abusive, controlling people are the best at making you swoon, and sweeping you off your feet. Because they have something to hide.<\/p>\n So you really have to be alert but also immune<\/em><\/strong> to their attempts to control you.<\/p>\n Let\u2019s help you gain this superpower now. We\u2019ll start with the definition of controlling.<\/p>\n CLICK HERE to discover the ONE PHRASE <\/span><\/b>you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! (Works like magic in a high vale non-needy way!)<\/a><\/p>\n What is a controlling man?<\/p>\n The word \u2018controlling\u2019 means to exercise domination or influence.<\/p>\n Now, there\u2019s nothing particularly wrong with being able to influence people \u2013 if you truly care about their welfare, and if they benefit from your influence.<\/p>\n All of us influence people every single day. The closer the person is to us, the more we influence them.<\/p>\n But there is something wrong with trying to dominate people purely for your own gain. And that\u2019s the meaning we\u2019re working with in this article.<\/p>\n That\u2019s the key to look for in controlling behavior \u2013 it\u2019s the desire to dominate and have power over.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n So let\u2019s look at the early signs of a controlling boyfriend.<\/p>\n In the early days, controlling men will get really, intensely involved with you.\u00a0<\/p>\n They\u2019ll plan elaborate dates, shower you with gifts (love bombing) and even luxurious getaways.<\/p>\n None of it will feel particularly \u2018natural\u2019 to you. You might not even feel ready<\/em> to receive those grand gestures yet \u2013 but there might still be a part of you that feels like they\u2019re \u2018nice\u2019.<\/p>\n Or just so different<\/em><\/strong> from your boring ex boyfriend or husband who wasn\u2019t very romantic.\u00a0<\/p>\n But there are several reasons why you should be alert when he comes on strong, including the fact that he might just be in it for himself, and that fact that he\u2019s not attuned to your emotions. Here are 3 Reasons You Should Be Worried If He Comes On strong, (written by my husband, D.Shen.)<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n We all know that love bombing is something that women routinely fall for, especially in online dating.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n So as I mentioned, you really need to be immune to this. But how?<\/p>\n First of all, be aware that this behavior exists. Know that even though you wouldn\u2019t do it \u2013 other people would.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n And second, don\u2019t be needing<\/em> that attention and surface level generosity.\u00a0<\/p>\n If you want to check how serious he actually is about committing to you, you can find out for yourself with our free quiz:<\/p>\n QUIZ TIME: Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with this specially crafted quiz!<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n One of the telltale early signs of a controlling man (or woman for that matter), is that they do not respond well to playfulness and spontaneity.<\/p>\n A controlling person will be impulsive (that\u2019s a key trait of abusive people) \u2013 but they won\u2019t be capable of playfulness or real spontaneity.<\/p>\n It takes a grounded nervous system in order to engage in true playfulness, and there\u2019s a surprising number of us out there who cannot engage in it.<\/p>\n This is usually due to insecure attachment styles<\/strong><\/a> or \u2013 as you probably guessed \u2013 simply being a controlling person.<\/p>\n The interesting thing for you to remember here is that playfulness is the precursor to romantic love (or falling in love).<\/p>\n Without playfulness, you can\u2019t have real romantic love.<\/p>\n Which means that if a guy you meet doesn\u2019t like playfulness or spontaneity \u2013 he cannot possibly be in love with you,<\/strong><\/a> even though his grand actions and proclamations of love might seem romantic.<\/p>\n We believe in the power of playfulness so much that we\u2019ve come up with a test for women to use in early dating (online dating or real life dating) and that test is the use of playful banter or high value banter.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n We coined the term \u201chigh value banter\u201d, and if you can banter with men very early on \u2013 then you can test men very early on.<\/p>\n And by \u2018test\u2019 I mean, reveal his intent. To see if he\u2019s a control freak or a normal guy who would be capable of a healthy relationship.<\/p>\n Playful banter will reveal the abusers, the narcissists and especially the controlling men very quickly.<\/p>\n How? By doing the following things:<\/p>\n All controlling men come to you with a specific strategy that they\u2019ve worked for years \u2013 if not decades \u2013 to hone. They\u2019re good at it. They know it works. Especially since most of the women they pick on are none the wiser.<\/p>\n So they don\u2019t like this \u2018strategy\u2019 interrupted, which playful banter will do every single time. If you would like some examples of banter to use as a test on the met you\u2019re dating, <\/strong>click here to take my husband\u2019s free class on high value banter.<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0<\/p>\n CLICK here<\/strong><\/a> to discover why you as a woman need to use the dark art of \u201cHigh Value Banter\u201d in order to quickly weed out the wrong types of men and create emotional attraction with the \u201cBEST of MEN\u201d! <\/strong>(\u2026Even if no man has ever given you any love and all you\u2019ve encountered so far are pen pals, ghosts, booty calls, and incredible duds!)<\/em><\/p>\n A controlling man will overwhelm you early on in the relationship with pressure to become exclusive, move in together, get married, or even have children together.\u00a0<\/p>\n As nice as it might seem if you\u2019re at a stage in your life where commitment<\/strong><\/a> is exactly <\/em>what you\u2019re looking for, it\u2019s actually too good to be true, because it\u2019s too early.\u00a0<\/p>\n And that\u2019s the key \u2013 if it feels too good to be true, it probably is.\u00a0<\/p>\n However, if you\u2019re insecurely attached yourself, you may not be able to see as easily when something a guy does is too good to be true.<\/p>\n You many attach too quickly and not see how manipulative he is.<\/p>\n So it\u2019s important to know your own attachment style so that you can be more informed and aware of your own patterns.<\/p>\n If you\u2019re not aware of your own patterns, then you don\u2019t know your own blind spots which can be catastrophic for your love life.<\/p>\n So if you\u2019re not sure of your own attachment style, you can find out with our free, women-specific quiz:<\/p>\n QUIZ TIME: Anxious, avoidant or secure attachment patterns? Which one do I have? CLICK HERE to find out with our specially crafted women-specific 10 Question Quiz!<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n (Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it\u2019s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)<\/p>\n A controlling man will show signs of jealousy quite early on. How?<\/p>\n In a nutshell, you\u2019ll feel monitored. And you\u2019ll feel like the guy can\u2019t seem to stop himself from constantly surveilling you.<\/p>\n If he very quickly becomes obsessed with you,<\/strong><\/a> you\u2019ll know that he\u2019s hyperviligant and can\u2019t relax in the relationship.<\/p>\n Even though jealousy can be a sign of investment and love, a controlling man will get extremely jealous for no reason. You could have given him all the signs of faithfulness, but he still acts jealous, like you simply cannot be trusted.<\/p>\n A classic sign of a controlling man is that he always has<\/em><\/strong> to be able to reach you, and he tries to contact you often. Too<\/em> often.<\/p>\n If he loses it when you don\u2019t text him back or return his call fast enough, that\u2019s a big red flag<\/strong><\/a>, and you need to stop and think about his intentions.<\/p>\n Another sign of a controlling man in the early stages is having to know all the details about where you are going.<\/p>\n According to David Buss,<\/a> author of When Men Behave Badly, if a guy has to know where you are at all times and you can\u2019t go anywhere without his permission, then that is a statistical predictor for future violence in the relationship.\u00a0<\/p>\n So be careful. It\u2019s good for a guy to be protective of you for your own safety, but it\u2019s not good if he doesn\u2019t give you basic freedom that every human being deserves.<\/p>\n A controlling person will try to keep you very busy, so busy that you can\u2019t fit anything or anyone else into your schedule.<\/p>\n This will start to happen quite early on, yet it will be hard to notice because he\u2019ll put a disproportionate amount of effort into delivering all the things a charming prince would deliver.<\/p>\n Things like endless romantic dates, lavish meals and trips to places you\u2019ve never been before.<\/p>\n He\u2019ll ensure that he completely seizes all of your free time so that no one else gets to influence you or add value to your life.<\/p>\n He\u2019ll insist on accompanying you to every appointment or outing you have.<\/p>\n So romantic.<\/p>\n But not really. <\/em><\/strong>Because:<\/p>\n QUIZ TIME: Are you truly living in your feminine energy? CLICK HERE to find out with my specially crafted 9 Question Quiz!<\/span><\/b><\/a><\/p>\n Wow, this one is a big red flag.<\/p>\n Of course many of us have had at least one toxic ex or low quality relationship<\/strong><\/a> in our past \u2013 that\u2019s normal.<\/p>\n But if you notice him only mentioning his exes in a negative light and promptly blaming them for all the unfortunate things he has to go through, that could be a sign of lack of accountability.<\/p>\n However, it\u2019s not just <\/em>a sign of lack of accountability. It\u2019s him trying to avoid being seen for who he really is.<\/strong><\/p>\n Controlling people don\u2019t like to have their shortcomings revealed, so they\u2019ll make out like everyone else is the bad guy.\u00a0<\/p>\n You have to seriously ask yourself these questions:<\/p>\n What makes you so different from his exes that he won\u2019t just start blaming you<\/em> for everything in the near future?\u00a0<\/p>\n Would he even know you well enough at this stage to be able to deduce that you wouldn\u2019t upset him as much as his exes would?<\/p>\n Not only is road rage a sign of anger issues in a man,<\/strong><\/a> it\u2019s a sign of disinhibition.<\/a><\/p>\n Imagine you\u2019re in the passenger seat, innocently enjoying a sunny afternoon driving with your new beau to your favorite caf\u00e9.\u00a0<\/p>\n Suddenly, he yells as loud as a foghorn at the person who cut in front of him, cussing them out and flipping the bird.<\/p>\n This is a strong sign that you\u2019re going to have some issues with the guy in the future. Likely very soon as well, because it won\u2019t be long before he perceives that you\u2019ve done something worth punishing you<\/em> for.<\/p>\n To some people, anger looks and feels like power. But it\u2019s usually not <\/strong>unless it\u2019s protecting themselves or someone else in a calibrated way.<\/p>\n Rage takes anger even one step further, because rage is often explosive and misdirected at innocent people.<\/p>\n Rage is often a way of bypassing feelings of shame and low self esteem.\u00a0<\/p>\n So if his anger seems way disproportionate to what the other driver did, it\u2019s a clear red flag that he has poor emotional control.<\/p>\n He might keep it together with you for now, while he\u2019s trying to win your emotional investment in him, but it won\u2019t be long before he explodes at you, either.<\/p>\n You\u2019ll know that the guy\u2019s rage is intended to coerce<\/a> and control you when he is unwilling to discuss the incident after it happens.<\/p>\n He won\u2019t explore the issue, even if he does apologize. To him, his rage has served its purpose of punishing his enemy, and now he becomes a little more relaxed for a short time, until the next stage begins; the tension stage, and that ultimately escalates towards his next outburst.<\/p>\n There are 7 common signs a woman is perceived as low value to all men, because men simply perceive value differently to women. Do you know what these signs are and how to avoid them like the plague? CLICK HERE to download this special report. <\/span><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Another of the early signs of a controlling man that is easy to identify is the fact that he has an intense demeanour, which is the perfect word to describe a controlling personality.<\/p>\n If you had to describe him, you\u2019d use the word \u201cintense\u201d. And what you are describing in actual fact, is his nervous system, which has a bias towards high arousal or hyperarousal.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n Hyperarousal is also a symptom of PTSD<\/a>.<\/p>\n Unfortunately, this is something that a lot of inexperienced women may find amusing and exciting initially, but I advise that you don\u2019t.<\/p>\n It might seem amusing because your guy acts almighty, powerful and dominant, but it\u2019s nothing but a fake show of status and power which circumvents his feelings of shame.\u00a0<\/p>\n A classic early sign of a controlling boyfriend is that he\u2019s always got to be in the middle of some sort of drama.<\/p>\n It\u2019s either this or that person doing the wrong thing in his eyes, and he needs retribution.\u00a0<\/p>\n For now it might seem like you\u2019re on his good side, but have a think: has he had many positive things to say about anyone?\u00a0<\/p>\n Or does his life seem to be oriented towards drama and chaos?<\/p>\n SECRETS REVEALED\u2026 Discover how you too can use this little known \u201cDark Feminine Art\u201d to weed out the toxic men whilst cultivating real emotional attraction with high value high esteemed men. (CLICK HERE to enrol in this free class before it\u2019s gone.)<\/span><\/b><\/a><\/p>\n This is an early attempt at isolating you.\u00a0<\/p>\n What\u2019s the best way to gain control over someone?<\/p>\n Create distance between them and the people who love them. That way, they have no one to rely on, and no one to call in times of need.<\/p>\n This gives the guy ultimate control, because isolating you from your family and friends ensures that his behavior is not under scrutiny from a third party.\u00a0<\/p>\n As the relationship progresses, you may also notice that even though he was the one who forcibly isolated you from your friends and family, he\u2019ll even blame you and criticize you for it.<\/p>\n This is what my adoptive mother would do to my father. She would be insanely jealous (despite her stellar attempts to hide the jealousy), and isolate him from all friends and family.<\/p>\n Later on she would complain to me (and criticize him<\/em>) for being so worthless that he had no friends around him.<\/p>\n This is of course, the ultimate form of gaslighting.<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0<\/p>\n You may also be interested in my article on gaslighting in a relationship: Gaslighting In A Relationship: 10 Examples & How To Stop It.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n One of the more confusing (and extreme) signs of a controlling partner is contradictory desires and behaviors related to you \u2013 or his exes.<\/p>\n For example, he might present with intense jealousy over you talking to another guy, yet he insists that you should dress provocatively.<\/p>\n Think this is puzzling?<\/p>\n Well, it\u2019s to do with something called betrayal-oriented attachment.<\/a> But I don\u2019t want to overcomplicate things by going into this term, as this is something that can easily be simplified\u2026<\/p>\n An effortless way of thinking about this is that the guy is re-enacting what was done to him as a baby or child.<\/p>\n Essentially, the controlling person expects<\/em> to be betrayed by women, (hence their hostility towards women), but at the same time, they seek attachment to a woman.<\/p>\n Someone with betrayal-oriented attachment really wanted their mother\u2019s love way back when, however their mother betrayed them often \u2013 and that creates a tension that they want to replicate.<\/p>\n The betrayal by their mother includes things like smothering them one moment and disappearing or going cold the next.<\/p>\n A controlling guy who has contradicting desires is someone who was abandoned as a child, and assumes love equals abandonment.<\/strong><\/p>\n Thus they have conflicting desires and behave in a paradoxical manner. For example, they\u2019ll accuse you of cheating all the time, yet go and cheat on you themselves.<\/p>\n Such a relationship is highly strung and stressful of course. But the heartbreaking part is that they think relationships have to model that type of stress.<\/p>\n CLICK HERE to LEARN the one specific emotional trigger <\/span><\/b>within every masculine man that inspires him to want to take care of you, worship you and deeply commit to you.<\/a><\/p>\n One of the early warning signs of controlling behavior is when someone is often ingratiating themselves to others.<\/p>\n What is ingratiating behavior?<\/p>\n It is fake behavior designed to influence other people to like you and therefore do what you want them to do.<\/p>\n![\"Early](\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/controlling-1-1024x792.jpg.webp\")
<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\nHow Do You Know If A Guy Is Going To Be Controlling?<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Controlling Meaning<\/strong><\/h3>\n
#1: He\u2019s Coming On <\/strong>Really <\/em><\/strong>Strong<\/strong><\/h2>\n
#2: He Doesn\u2019t Like Playfulness or Spontaneity<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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<\/em>Quite simply, they don\u2019t like to be out of control (as the word \u201ccontrolling\u201d implies), and banter is the antithesis of control.
<\/strong>It\u2019s spontaneous exchange that requires a presence that only secure people can take part in.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n#3: Pressure to Move Fast In The Relationship<\/strong><\/h2>\n
#4: Obsessive Jealousy And Hypervigilance<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/AlisonCake.jpg.webp\")
<\/a>
\n\u2026To finally learning the skill of weeding out the wrong types of men, and passing the hardest test of them all\u2026 an accidental pregnancy after a month of dating! (\u2026All by learning one simple skill.)<\/em><\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n#5: He Needs Constant Contact<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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#6: He Has To Know Where You Are At All Times<\/strong><\/h2>\n
![\"Early](\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/control-1024x683.jpg.webp\")
<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n#7: He Comandeers All of Your Time<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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#8: He Blames Everything on His Ex(es)<\/strong><\/h2>\n
![\"early](\"https:\/\/www.thefemininewoman.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/bird.jpg.webp\")
<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n#9: Road Rage<\/strong><\/h2>\n
#10: If You Had to Describe Him, You\u2019d Use The Word \u201cIntense\u201d<\/strong><\/h2>\n
#11: He Seems To Like To Create Chaos<\/strong><\/h2>\n
#12: He Says Bad Things About The People You Love<\/strong><\/h2>\n
#13: Contradictory Desires<\/strong><\/h2>\n
#14: He Ingratiates Himself With You (And Others)<\/strong><\/h2>\n