15 Signs YOU Are Being A Clingy Girlfriend

There is a fine line between being a clingy girlfriend and an affectionate girlfriend. All boyfriends want someone who cares for them like no other. What boyfriends don’t like is someone who stalks their everyday life and does not even give them the space to breathe. Men loathe smothering girlfriends. In fact, clinginess in a relationship is a turn off for women too, right?

But where does one draw the line? After all, it is difficult to find the right balance between clinginess and distance. The truth is that the extent of clinginess varies from relationship to relationship. What could be too clingy for one boyfriend could seem like lots of love and care for the other…But there are some signs of a needy girlfriend that most men get put off by. We’re here to help you decode those and learn how not to be clingy, in consultation with life coach Joie Bose, who specializes in counseling people dealing with abusive marriages, breakups and extramarital affairs.

Needy Person Psychology

“What is a clingy person? Well, the meaning of ‘clingy’ is subjective and differs in definition from person to person. The moment you start saying that your partner is clingy, it means that there is something about this relationship that you don’t like and you want it to change. It’s often an indicator that one partner who finds the other clingy is not happy. It is also at times an indicator that the clingy partner is perhaps suspecting the other and has trust issues,” says Joie.

So, if they you’re a clingy lover, it’s a good idea to reflect on your behavior patterns:

• An example of being clingy in a relationship could be that you’re an extremely jealous girlfriend
• Another tell-tale sign of a nagging girlfriend is that there is no room for his friends, family or colleagues

Most emotionally needy women are not even aware of the negative effects of their actions and probably do not think they are doing anything wrong. It’s as if their judgment and self-awareness are clouded with an influx of emotions and love hormones. They constantly feel the urge to either talk to their partner or meet up with them. Staying apart even for a few hours makes them insecure about the relationship, causing them to act out. These are all signs of clingy behavior.

Related Reading: Are You In A Clingy Relationship? Here Is How You Must Deal With It…

But what causes clinginess? If you keep wondering “Why am I so clingy to my boyfriend?”, here are some possible underlying reasons:

• Obsessive girlfriend signs could either be due to the initial excitement of a relationship or the fear of a potential heartbreak
• Emotionally needy people characteristics are a manifestation of latent insecurities, fears and abandonment issues
• It could be a result of anxious attachment style or trauma of being betrayed in past relationships

15 Clingy Girlfriend Signs

Do you possess toxic girlfriend traits? Is being extra a bad thing? Most of all, how to stop being clingy and needy? If you’re feeling overwhelmed with such questions, don’t worry, this article will help you become the girlfriend who loves her alone time and doesn’t need constant reassurance. Here are some characteristics of a pushy person, followed by tips on how to ask for attention without being needy:

1. You do not give him space

Even though it feels uncomfortable to accept your flaws, being self-aware is the first step to bringing change. So, here are some warning signs of a desperate woman:

• An overly attached girlfriend who wants to become the air he breathes
• Constantly asking him whether he thinks about you
• Need an update of his whereabouts every 5 minutes
• Obsession/overthinking if he stops replying to your texts for a while

“To assess if you’re being an overbearing girlfriend, pay attention to how your boyfriend reacts to your advances, plans and suggestions. For instance, when you make a plan, does he half-heartedly accept it for he fears your reactions and then spends all his time on his phone instead of focusing on you? It could be one of the signs you’re clingy and he is feeling stifled in the relationship,” says Joie.

Your connection with your boyfriend can improve markedly if you understand the importance of space in a relationship. He will gradually let you enter that personal space he holds so sacred. Be patient enough to let it happen on its own. Don’t push it.

2. Wanting to talk to him all the time

You reminisce the honeymoon phase of your relationship where he couldn’t keep his hands off. You would talk day and night and eagerly wait for the next time you meet. But now, you end up hugging your boyfriend while playing video games and he gives you a cold shoulder. Can you relate? Well, you’re coming off way too pushy.

“When there is constant pressure from your end to communicate and be in touch, he may switch off his phone and not be reachable sometimes. He will, of course, say it happened because his phone ran out of battery but there is a pattern to this. This is a sign that he needs his me time but can’t tell you,” says Joie.

Related Reading: Why Is Space So Crucial In A Relationship?

3. His entire life must revolve around you

After getting into a relationship, many people forget that they still have separate lives. A clingy girlfriend is the first one to forget that:

• You want him to do everything solely with you
• You want to be his first priority all the time
• You force him to plan everything according to your wishes
• Wherever he goes, you follow

4. You are over-dependent on him

“If you feel you are unable to do things without him and constantly depend on him for things, it is definitely a sign that you depend on him too much. Even if he doesn’t say it, you are being an overly attached girlfriend,” says Joie. Adding to what she said, here are some insecure girlfriend signs:

• By building your whole life around him most of the time, you have forgotten what your life was like before him
• Doing anything without him makes you feel nervous
• You call him to solve every minor issue in your life

If you’re still not sure whether you fit the characteristics of an emotionally needy person, perhaps pay attention to how much of this relationship revolves around your needs, wants and desires. If you lean on your boyfriend for all your needs – no matter how big or trivial – and he has no option but to comply, you definitely need to figure out how not to be clingy.

5. All his attention should be on you

Initially, your boyfriend might find your jealousy cute. He might even think it’s a sign of love. But constant attention-seeking will eventually frustrate him and he will want an out in the long run. Here are some classic signs of a possessive girlfriend:

• You want him to give you his undivided attention
• Even him talking about another girl makes you furious and suspicious
• You feel like you should always be on his mind like he is on yours

“When your happiness and sadness depends on how much time he is giving you and spending with you, it is a clingy girlfriend sign and that is not good for you either. If you get irritated and sad when he chooses to spend time with others excluding you and begin to wonder how much your worth is in his life, then your relationship is not solid and constantly asking him about it will make him be bitter about you! This is NOT healthy,” says Joie.

Related Reading: How Being Clingy Can Kill Your Relationship

6. You become suspicious

My friend Sarah confessed to me one day, “Is being clingy a bad thing? I am constantly living in the fear that he’s going to leave me. Why am I so clingy in the first place?” When she told me this, I realized that feeling needy in a relationship can take a huge toll on one’s mental health. Here are some signs of a woman with trust issues:

• Not knowing his whereabouts makes you suspicious
• All sorts of weird thoughts and ideas cross your mind
• The fear of him cheating on you makes you paranoid
• You start interrogating him rigorously
• You don’t believe him even if he is telling the truth and constantly demand proof

Even if deep down you know that his actions are not signs of a cheating partner, you still cannot shake off your feelings of insecurity and the fear that your boyfriend will hurt you and break your heart. Constant suspicion is a big turn-off. It will only distance him even more as he begins to notice these clingy girlfriend signs in you and may even consider ending the relationship.

7. You are constantly thinking about him

It’s a good thing to be crazy about him. But by constantly thinking about him and your relationship, you are leaving no room for your individual life. And it’s very important to have a life that doesn’t revolve around your boyfriend. In fact, all healthy relationships maintain a balance between ‘individual’ life and ‘love’ life. So, make sure you don’t ignore your friends and family while you are in a relationship.

Are you still looking for the meaning of clingy? Here’s an example: Even when you are out shopping with your friends, you end up buying stuff (shirts, perfume, tie, watches) only for him. How to stop being a clingy girlfriend? You must make an active effort to be there for your friends and family and also invest more time in your professional career. Focus on exuding signs of a confident woman instead of being an overbearing girlfriend, it’s the former that will make you more attractive to a man.

Related Reading: 5 Things Men Do To Make A Woman Feel Insecure

8. Insecurity creeps in

You might be important in his life but you cannot constantly keep seeking validation about this. Your boyfriend will have things in his life that are as important to him as you are and this is completely normal. Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship and if you don’t trust him, then what are you fighting for? If he is looking stunning in a leather jacket compliment him, instead of thinking other women will be eyeing him.

It’s vital to understand that these insecurities that you grapple with may have nothing to do with your boyfriend but you instead:

• A clingy lover is often someone with an insecure attachment style
• Even if it were any other guy in his place, in all likelihood, you’d still behave the same way in your relationship
• You have to be committed to looking inward and set healthy boundaries
• You must do the necessary work to break these unhealthy patterns that for no fault of yours have taken hold in your mind

9. You are jealous that he has a life without you

“Do you keep sending clingy girlfriend texts because you’re jealous of his friends and social life? To find the answer to this question, notice the way his friends behave around you. If his group of boys stop talking and begin acting all formal the moment you come in, it indicates that he behaves in a certain manner in front of you and differently with them.

“As you’re a clingy girl and will perhaps enquire too much, he prefers to keep that from you,” says Joie. On that note, here are some controlling girlfriend signs you should look out for:

• He could be making plans without you and you don’t enjoy it
• You are jealous of him enjoying life without you and question whether his friends make him happier than you do
• You even try to sabotage his plans and forcefully include yourself in them

“Is he dating a needy person who is jealous of his friends and social life? To find the answer to this question, notice the way his friends behave around you. If his group of boys stop talking and begin acting all formal the moment you come in, it indicates that he behaves in a certain manner in front of you and differently with them. As you’re a clingy girl, who will perhaps enquire too much, he prefers to keep that from you,” says Joie.

Related Reading: How To Deal With Jealousy In Relationships?

So, you see how the signs you are begging for attention can be counterproductive. You cling to your boyfriend in the hopes of getting closer to him and making sure that he doesn’t leave you, but in the process, you’re only driving him away. You may not even know who he really is. How can you then hope to build a long, fulfilling relationship with him?

10. You are possessive

Every girlfriend is a bit possessive about her man but too much of it is the doom of a relationship. If you are being over-possessive, you need to learn to rein in your impulses and reactions. Stop being obsessed with your partner by constantly reminding yourself that he is a part of your life and not your life itself. Needy women start treating their boyfriends like their property and no one else can even eye them. Here are some examples of clingy texts they send:

• “Why are you ignoring me?!”
• “You there???????”
• “How come you’re not replying?!”

How to know if you’re clingy? A casual conversation between your boyfriend and a female friend makes you want to scratch the girl’s eyes out. To set boundaries, you must be able to trust your partner and understand that at times he will interact with the opposite sex and even have close friends who are women. Irrational jealousy and possessiveness have no place in a healthy relationship.

11. You are too available

One of the most telling signs of a toxic girlfriend is that your boyfriend becomes the central and sole focus of your life. Your friends, family, even your career become secondary. So, if you’re the kind who’d ditch a friend at the last minute just because your boyfriend has time for a coffee date or blow off a work presentation because he suggested ‘Netflix and chill’, you’ve blurred the lines between clingy vs affection.

Always being available for him will make him take you for granted. He will know that you will always make time for him and thus he will only make plans at his convenience and not be afraid to cancel on you at the last minute. Here’s how you can set healthy boundaries and stop being clingy in a relationship:

• Know your self-worth and make him realize it too
• Do not put him above everyone and everything
• If you planned on spending time with your childhood friend, don’t cancel on her just because your boyfriend is available now

12. A clingy girlfriend needs constant reassurance

My friend Paul confessed, “My girlfriend wants to talk all the time. Is there any solution to girlfriend always complaining?” So, are you an understanding girlfriend or an insecure one? Ponder on the following questions:

• Have you ever asked your boyfriend whether he loves you about 500 times a day?
• Do you keep gifting him things and expect him to reciprocate constantly to show his love?
• Whatever validation he is providing you with is not enough for you and it might never be?

There is constant doubt in your mind about his ‘true’ feelings. If you constantly feel this way and there have been instances to suggest that he pretends to love you, it’s time for open communication. However, if your paranoia is at the root of your toxic traits, you need to delve deeper into those suspicions and insecurities. Otherwise, the signs you need alone time will take a toll on your relationship, sooner or later.

13. Low self-esteem

“What did I do to get someone as amazing as you?” This is something we all have told our boyfriends at some point in time. Do you think that you don’t deserve him? Do you think that he is too good for you? Low self-esteem usually makes a person more insecure. What is a clingy person, you wonder? It’s someone who struggles with constant self-doubt and self-deprecatory talk.

When you’re that person, you cling to every possible thing that you think can make the relationship work because you fear that he will find someone better and leave you. If you didn’t deserve him, then he wouldn’t have chosen to be with you. But he has. That in itself is reassurance enough that you needn’t worry about him abandoning you.

14. Stalk his social media account

Social media accounts are a great way to gather really useful information about your boyfriend’s life. A picture is worth a thousand words and so are the comments on them. But what about stalking his friends, friends of friends and friends of friends of friends? Have you reached the point where you stalk all possible accounts remotely related to your boyfriend just to know where each one stands in his life?

We’re all guilty of putting a sleepless night to good use by browsing through our partner’s social media accounts or even their exes. But when this tendency spirals out of control, it’s one of the signs of controlling girlfriend. Even the slightest aberration from what you perceive to be acceptable social media activity for your boyfriend can set you off and send you into a tizzy of insecurity, hurt and anger.

15. You keep wanting to meet his parents

Wanting to meet his parents when you are in a serious relationship isn’t surprising or uncommon. He is very important to you and what is better than getting to know him further through the eyes of his parents? You want to know his parents on a personal level and want them to like you.

But if you constantly coax him to take you to meet his parents at the early stages of a relationship when you haven’t even discussed the future, it’s not a good sign and he definitely needs more space. Meeting the parents is a big step that he might not be ready to take. So trust him when he tells you that he will do it when he is ready. Don’t give him a hard time and let the process take the time it needs.

How To Stop Being A Clingy Girlfriend?

You may not have noticed the troublesome behavior patterns until now but these signs make it clear as day that dealing with an annoying clingy girlfriend is no piece of cake. Sooner or later, it will lead to relationship burnout, leaving your boyfriend with no choice but to reassess his future with you.

We’re sure if you found these signs of a desperate woman too relatable, you’re desperately looking for an answers to how not to be a needy girlfriend. First things first, to avoid being emotionally clingy, you need to commit yourself to doing the necessary work to break your attachment patterns and resolve your underlying insecurities and self-esteem issues. To help you get started, here are some quick tips on how to not be pushy in a relationship:

1. Maintain a distance: Let him call you first sometimes too. It will make him miss you more and keep the spark alive
2. Have some mystery: Keep some aspects of your life a surprise for him to explore. Don’t give everything away too soon. Men love women who have an air of mystery around them. Make him want to unravel your secrets. Make him crave you
3. Boundaries: “Draw boundaries and make sure you do not cross them. Commit to reinforcing your boundaries by clear communication and respecting your partner’s,” advises Joie
4. Do things for yourself: “Are you spending time with your friends/family without your partner and enjoying it? If not, have a day every week when you do that and no, do not text and update your partner during that time. Have a hobby or set free time which is exclusive of your partner and encourage your partner to do the same,” says Joie
5. Give him space: Accept and reiterate to yourself that you cannot make him stay in your life against his wish simply by clinging to him. You need to trust him with what he does when you are not around and give him more space to thrive as the individual you fell in love with
6. Don’t involve him in everything: He cannot be a part of every aspect of your life, so force it. “Stop telling your partner your friend’s secrets (if you are clingy, then you probably do this) for trust me, your partner doesn’t share that relationship and being in love with you does not warrant that you share those with him. Even he dislikes it,” says Joie

As we have reiterated over and over, the signs of a clingy girlfriend are rooted in an anxious-ambivalent attachment style. Since these patterns trace back to your formative years and childhood experiences, you may lack the know-how and necessary tools to break free of them. Seeking professional help is the healthiest way to break these problematic patterns and replace them with a more holistic approach toward life, relationships, and emotions. If you’re looking for help, skilled and licensed counselors on Bonoblogy’s panel of experts are here for you.

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